Well, its the new year and everybody knows that means resolutions. We all do it. We might not write it down or even tell anyone, but the new year makes us think of things that we can do better. Well, unfortunately as a single Mormon person people like to make those for us.
On Halloween of this past year I started my new career in a brand new place. It has been an interesting transition. The biggest change is the Church.The doctrine is the same but the culture is so different. I didn’t know how good I had it in Atlanta. The day I arrived I met up with some guys and go to a church dance and it was like I was 14 all over again. I really don’t like dances. Especially these YSA dances. One of the most disturbing thing is the really sexually frustrated girls. They come across the dance floor all sexy like ( well as sexy as they know how) and try to look you in the eye all sexy like. Then you smell her sweat and feet and all sexiness goes away. Girls!! please either keep your shoes on or bring flats to change into. No one wants to smell you.
So that is how my new life started.
Back to resolutions. One of mine is to be much more social and try to date more. Well, I am getting a little help with that at church and it has created a really awkward situation. So right before the holidays some of the female leaders of the congregation decided to teach a lesson on dating. That is nothing new. I get this lesson about every six months. At the end of the lesson they wanted to help us. So they passed out little pieces of paper and told us to right down the girls that we wanted to take out on a piece of paper and they would do the same with the girls and then match us up. REALLY! If I want to take someone out, I will. So I just put down the word “anyone”and kind of forgot about it. A couple of weeks go by and i get a sealed envelope. Oh boy. So now I am in this weird spot. Now I have 3 names that I am suppose to take out, knowing full well I am just taking them out for pity. Girls do yo really want that? Holy Pressure Batman. I kind of want to buy a silicone doll and marry it just to get people off my back… I take that back, I don’t want a doll. That’s just weird.
Another one of my resolutions is to have more faith. Part of that is participating in all the activities. Tonight was one of those nights that really tested my faith. It was learn how to Salsa and Swing dance. Ok its not a bad idea, but man did it not work out. For some reason I can’t dance. Maybe its because of my family’s embargo on dancing since my parents wedding, but I am not good. What made it even worse was the fact the teachers didn’t really know what to teach and by the end there was only 2 couple still trying to learn. Everyone else was just off to the side watching. So awkward. My faith was definitely tested.
I feel like this year is going to be one of big change and fun times. Lets just hope I don’t go crazy first.
Those that really know me understand that it really shouldn’t be. Losing my best friend and brother on Christmas Eve in 2002 while I was thousands of miles from home should have ruined this time for me. However, Christmas just has a feeling of Joy and love that we can’t deny.
Mormon’s all understand that this time is a opportunity to celebrate the birth of the Savior. We all know the story in Luke 2 and how magical it was. Angels visiting men and Kings travelings miles and miles to visit an infant. But, this was such an incredible event what was going on in the rest of the world? Lucky for us we know. The Book of Mormon records Christmas Day on the American continent. It was a little different story.
At that time there was 2 different sects of people. Those that believed in the Christ that would soon be born, and those that didn’t. It was nothing like today when we disagree with each other about religion. They disagreed by killing each other. I was so bad right before Christ was born the group that didn’t believe in Christ gave the others an ultimatum. Either say that you were wrong about the birth of the Savior, or be killed. It got so close that they planned a day to execute the believers. The night before they were suppose to be slaughtered. The star appeared. It was the sign that the believers were waiting for. That sign saved 1000’s of lives. Pretty awesome.
Now that your caught up……
As Mormons we can really spread the joy of this season and we can really use secular traditions. Just think Santa is a great example of a Christ like figure. Charitable lovable and willing to give gifts to everyone. Those are some great traits. Other then the whole obesity and breaking and entering thing, its a great thing to celebrate. So go out and be a Santa to someone this year. It’s great.
Finally I just wanted to say thank you for those that read and enjoy my blog. It’s been a fun to write.
Don’t laugh. Or do, but the phrase, “Silent but Deadly” has the connotation of a locker room joke from a bunch of 10 year olds. However, I think that it is the perfect phrase to describe how we should live our religion. No, we don’t go around as mimes with butcher knifes. We can show those around us how we live and not have to “preach” to anyone. I love answering people’s questions but I never force my believes. Recently there has been a lot of attention on our religion because of Mitt Romney. With that, lots of people seem to like to weigh in on what I believe. I understand that there are political reasons to put one candidate over the other,but people (and some very important people) are saying things based of generalization and half truths. What should we do? Show them who we really are. Thats it. Show them how Christ has changed your life for the better, so when they see something on a new channel or a website they something else to judge us on.
This post I am going to talk to Mormons first then everyone else:
Mormons:
I hate to break it to you, but people are (as Tom Hanks put it on Conan) taking Grandma to Applebees, and it is just a part of their life and society these days. I could rant about how society is down the crapper, but that does nothing but alienate us from our non member friends. To most people sex is just another stepping stone in a relationship, its not as big of a deal as it is in our faith. Most of us are pretty innocent. At school I always seem to be the guy that catches a suggestive gesture between a couple in class, or walk in on a conversation that I feel completely lost in. Sometimes I have to go home and look it up on Urban Dictionary so I know kind of what they are talking about. Don’t be ashamed of that innocence, be proud of it. I am never afraid to tell someone that I am a virgin. To tell you the truth most of the time people admire me for it. Granted they are probably feeling sorry for me on the inside and want to help “40 yr old virgin” style (PLEASE DON’T) but they respect my decision. I should come out with a line of virgin t-shirts. hmm… yup its going to happen now. Who is going to help me?
Everyone else:
For you guys sex is just part of dating life, but for us it is reserved for something really special. Mormons lives are based on promises that we make with God, and one of those promises is starting a family and bringing children into the world. Hence the big families that start running out of names for their kids so they name them after practically anything. Sex is not just for utilitarian purposes though, but that act to us is something we try to save for that one person we will be with forever. It makes it that much sweeter when you meet that person. I like to think of it as an action that cements a commitment to one another. I am with you and I am here for good.
Because of those strong feelings our dating experience is a little different. In good and bad ways. First of all, our dates seem to be pretty crazy sometimes and we tend to over do it. Whether its giving your date a nerf gun and dropping her off on one side of a park then driving to the other side and hunt each other {I did this one and it was AWESOME}, or making a home movie. We truly want to get to know each other.We have the same primal urges as everyone else but, we know that it can’t be with just anyone. It has to be with THE one. Another thing that you have to remember is the fact that there is never any alcohol on these dates. There is no buffer.
People always tell me they think its crazy that we get married so quick. We believe that once you found THE ONE there is no reason to wait. We don’t have to worry about how good in bed he/she is because we don’t know what “good” is. Secondly, You get to know someone pretty well when you are completely sober for every date. Most importantly we tend to date within the LDS community because it makes beliefs a non issue. Faith is so important that if you aren’t on the same spiritual level you might get 2 dates… maybe.
Whether your LDS or a Non-mormon its safe to say that we have our differences, but their is always one thing in common. Taking Grandma to Applebees
For your entertainment I thought I would list some funny dates I have heard of:
-Having a candle lit dinner in the middle of an intersection.
- bridge jumping.
- pull a prank on your roommates by taking all their bedroom furniture and putting on the lawn.
- Midnight rabbit hunting in a truck with a spotlight.
-baking a cake and then having a food fight with said cake.
This post doesn’t have some clever headline that ties back into the “Field Guide” but I think its an important one.
We have all heard the expression “First Impressions are everything,” and they are right, most people judge, and are judged the first seconds you meet them. However, I am hear to say that its stupid.
We ( LDS ) have a real problem with it. Those judgement calls often separate us great people that can enrich our lives. We have to remember that just because we might not live the same way as they do doesn’t mean we avoid them like the plague. I have meet so many great people that don’t give off the greatest first impressions and I have also met people that are master at it and then tuen out to be complete scum.
So what am I saying? Just give it some time. Things become pretty apparent after awhile. I remember when I was in British Columbia on my mission and I was in Victoria. I has walking down the street and this homeless First Nation guy starts screaming at us. Well, he proceeded to account to us that we had raped his mother and family and it was our fault that he was homeless on the street. Well, we just brushed it off because we could smell the boze on him and walked away. About 100 yards down the sidewalk a group stopped us a started asking questions so we were talking with them to find out they were relatives of the previous guy. Then we look up and we were surrounded. They then decided that they wanted to fight and teach us a lesson. One guy got in my comps face and raised his fist, and we bolted. We luckily gor away but I was pretty shook up. Not until 9 months later I come to find out that in Canada the set up these schools man by some churches to try and teach the first nations how to live like a “white man.” They where taken from their homes. Wouldn’t let them speak their language and many where abused psychically, mentally, and even sexually. After learning this my fear, and disgust for that man and group vanished. I understood why.
So the next time you see someone and they have tons of tattoos or smell like smoke, or have a white shirt and black tag, (for all those non mormons out there) don’t give them the cold shoulder. Say hello. You could be surprised.
Everyone one knows that to be successful you have to be able to communicate with those around you. Sometimes those around you might like to be a little more colorful in their language then we were taught to be. However, if you are not careful it can often come off as a conceded judgement call that you are some how better then your friends because you can control your tongue.
I guess I can say that I have been blessed with a life where I have been around people like to use certain words… A LOT. So I have learned a few things that might help you in a situation when the language might turn a little fowl.
1: Don’t try to be like them, but in a Mormon way.
What I mean about this is the standard Mormon replacement for curse words. I think it makes people sound uneducated and frankly just plain stupid. If you are going use a word, use it. Fudge, Flapjack, and Freak aren’t fooling anyone. We know what you mean. So just have the balls and say it.
2: Its all about context
This is the most important thing to remember. A lot of people use certain words just because they can, or they have used them there whole life. The key is to understanding when you sould be offended by a four letter word. If someone is telling you that:
” The Sunset was ( insert your choice here ) amazing.
You can’t get too upset about that. Words are sometimes just engrained in to peoples vocabulary.
The only times I really get upset when I here a curse word is: When it is directed at me in a mean way, or mocking God in some way.
Context is the key. This video is a perfect example on context. I remember my 4 year nephew watched this and didn’t understand why it was so funny to us. Because he didn’t understand the context.
If your offended then your taking it out of context!
In the wild the watering hole is the hub of society. The watering hole in non-Mormon society is the bar. Mormons should not be afraid to go to the watering hole. Yes they primarily drink alcohol but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy their company while they do so. However, there are some rules that I would follow so you don’t feel like , and you don’t make those around you feel uncomfortable.
1. Always get your first drink. Make sure and go up to the bar and grab a Coke, Sprite or whatever you want, that way you avoid that akward situation where everyone else is drinking and you are just standing there looking like a fish out of water. I am a Coke guy personally.
2. Order some food. Bar food can actually be really good. However, go with appetizers if no one else is eating. It gives you the chance to share something without buying a round.
3. Timing. There is a certain point in the night when you know it’s time to leave. To help know when, remember this equation: The more more your friends drink plus the amount of time equals shrinking of their personal bubble. So that means lots of hugs and whispers in the ear. This is awkward so I usually leave as soon as I hear the phrase , “You know what I love about you.” whispered into my ear. It’s time to go.
4. The Drink ticket. At some parties that you will attend you will be given tickets for alcohol. TAKE THEM! it will make you the most popular person there. Give them you your boss, or a friend. If you want to be adventurous you can have like a talent show for them. Don’t just reject them at the door.
I am not saying that you need to go to the bar every week, but when you do, don’t be an outcast.
Most people think that Mormons (LDS) are a little weird. Most of the time they are probably right. Our culture is a lot different then the rest of the world, but that doesn’t mean we can’t coexist.
So this is a field guide to LDS members, to be able to live in a non-Mormon world without being a complete weirdo and a shut in.
So as you know there was free communication on the website Eharmony for the last 10 days. So I decided that I would try and communicate with people on the basis of never knowing what they looked like. It first I was a little timid. I read everyone’s questions and didn’t really know how to take them. I would read them and then click to the next communication stage. As the week wore on I started to discover the things that really made me want to talk to certain girls. I discovered that as I was asking and answering questions, that the ones that stood out to me the most, were those that talked about passion and adventure. Those that weren’t afraid to take a risk or two to see if something great happens. I also found that confidence was a big thing for me as well. It is interesting how you can tell how confident someone is just by reading something they write. The last thing I noticed with the girls I wanted to continue talking to is they all loved art in some way.
So my conclusion, I need a passionate, confident Mormon girl that loves art. Keep your eyes open everyone.
p.s. So I was communicating pretty heavily (that kind of sounds dirty) with a couple of girls and then I got to a certain stage in the communication I was no longer able to communicate with them. They let you communicate until its just an email that you can say whatever you want and then they make you pay. LAME I thought it was a free communication week, not a communicate when someone until you might actually want to get to know them, then we make you pay week. Who knows the girl of my dreams might be on the other end of the internet somewhere. I guess I will never know.
There is a show on ABC that is called “dating in the dark.” It takes 6 random people and puts them in a house together. The boys are separated from the girls and the only time they get to interact with each other is in a room made to be pitch black. So much so that your eyes can’t adjust to it. Then they are put on dates with each other and build relationships based solely on there personality and chemistry. Looks has nothing to do with it.
Well, since I am doing this experiment with these LDS dating sites I figure that I should try a big one. For the next 10 days Eharmony is holding a free trial where you can communicate with your matches but there is a catch. You can’t see pictures. It is a little different because Eharmony is way more in depth then other sites, and they have very regimented communication. You are better able to get a feel for the person.
So I will be communicating for the next 10 days in the dark. In the past looks have played a huge role, and i wonder if this is going to change my mind. Check back and see.
